Today

My morning and evening journey to and fro from home to office and vice-versa was in sync today.I had two occasions to do a kind act. Somewhere along the act, I feel I failed in both of them. Failed in the intention of it.

In the morning while I decided to take the train to office,I ran to board the first cabin. It was crowded, over crowded.tube leaving. Not much choice left and I didn't want to wait for another tube.As I heard the whistle, I felt desperate, catching from the corner of my eye people standing around other cabins as well. IT made no point to move and try another one. As I was still wondering what to do and there was no space as well, I heard the women behind me say please move, we are getting late for the school. While ideally, I should have moved and given her space or rather whatever , I pushed myself in and for the first time and in a polite voice requested people to move in. Wrong time - Politeness had no use. I should have expressed some desperation in my voice. Anyways, I moved in and felt a push. The lady had moved in as well along with her son and after 2 failed attempts during which the door could not close the bag was pulled in as well. It usually takes around 10 min to reach the main station and today it took 20 - so for the next 20 min all of us were stuck in a position. The little chap naturally grew restless and got talking.

son: why did you held up everyone?

mom: We are getting late for school. People should move in, people are selfish. Jesus!

son: we should board the 3 rd carriage.

mom: Yeah, I made a mistake , should take the last carriage. You know why this happened, because you were shuffling and moving here and there.We are late. You are late for school. you go, I don't.

anyways, we reached and the moment I stepped on the platform, I forgot about it, carried away in the flow of humanity and thoughts :-)
It was later that it kind of struck - was I selfish or reasonable in moving in and taking her push in a good spirit as well - I did smile through it.

In the evening- no, nothing happened in the tube. As I moved out of the station, a lady in a wheel chair generally called. I registered the call but couldn't really understand what she wanted.She was voluminous, almost pouring out of the chair - sry for describing it like this but that is how I felt. Cruel of me or rather insensitive of me.Anyways, I responded and seemed she wanted to be pushed till the bus stand. I did so but realised that she was in the wrong place and again pushed her till the right bus stop after asking the information stand. However, I had this thought in my head all along why does she want me to push and it was not easy pushing her. I mean why is she not also putting in some effort. As soon as I would leave to check the bus routes, she would start moving on. Actually, it would not be easy for her anytime, given her weight and handicap. And sensing that I did not mind pushing. I don't even know how comfortable or uncomfortable she was. But somewhere I felt uncomfortable - that she really did not need me but I was available to her. Dunno - sounds selfish but this is what I felt.

Too much thinking....